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refusing to be discouraged…

Today I woke up before the sun (which never happens) to go for a run. 

i recently signed up for a 5K and thought it would just the amount of motivation I needed to get my butt up and do something!!

i use to be a really great runner! I ran a little minutes a 7 minute mile. I could run 3 in about 25 to 26 because I couldn’t keep the pace the longer I ran. 

Well, today I ran 2.02 miles in 34 minutes!!!! That put me at a little less than 17 min per mile!!! 

i could have let myself been so discouraged and defeated, nut I also haven’t ran in almost 7 months!!! The last time I ran i was 4 months pregnant!! How can I be mad!! The most intense workout I’ve had since then was walking laps around the hospital while having contractions!!! 

I am very proud of myself for getting up and running and making the effort to try!!! 

Tomorrow is a new day and my time will get better!!!!

Don’t let defeat define you, keep trying!!!!

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Posted by on August 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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“Tell My Sons”

“…my stories are not examples of the way to live your life; my stories are just examples of an infinite number of paths. Which one should you take? …along the way, I hope you’ll consult these pages as often and as casually as you would if I were still here and you could pick up the phone. I hope you’ll ask this book different questions at different times in your lives. And I hope you’ll find answers or perspectives to match. I hate writing this letter, but I would hate not writing it even more…” 

That was a paragraph from the book “Tell My Sons,” by Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber. Mrk was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he began writing letters to his sons while he was stationed in Afghanistan. 

I haven’t read very far into the book yet, but there is another passage that really got me thinking… It talks about the day at the doctors with his wife when he was diagnosed with cancer.

After the doctor had explained what all was going on the book goes on to read this…

“This explanation took only a minute or two. When he glanced over at Kristin, he stopped speaking, and the look on his face told me why. The memory of the look on Kristin’s face still grips me by the throat and overwhelms me every time I think of it. Her entire manner was that of a completely terrified ten-year old girl. She was at the edge of her seat, sitting up straight, staring wide-eyed as tears streamed down her face. Her lips curled into a big frown and quivered as she very softly asked Dr. Matlock, “our boys aren’t going dad have a dad?” He did not answer. She turned to me, looked deep into my eyes and squeaked out in the same voice, “we were supposed to grow old together.”

Reading this left tears in my eyes. I couldn’t even imagine sitting next to the love of my life and seeing them so upset. 

I began to try and attempt to put myself in that position. What would happen if I was unable to stand tell my grandchildren stories? It really makes you think of the kind of life you lead and how you want your children and grandchildren to remember you. 

 

I plan on buying a journal and writing letters in it to my daughter. I want her to know all the crazy things that life brings our way. I want her to be able to read and imagine all the wonderful things that happened and share them with her kids and their kids and their kids and so on… 

 

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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The perks of being pregnant…

I love my prego cankles…

You know you have cankles because at the end of the day you can only feel your feet AFTER taking off your ankle socks…

Note to self: invent cankle socks!

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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The perks of being pregnant…

I love my prego cankles…

You know you have cankles because at the end of the day you can only feel your feet AFTER taking off your ankle socks…

Note to self: invent cankle socks!

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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when the trench coat is off…

It is said somewhere that no one can truly define what you are feeling. I think they might be right. Sometimes words on paper just don’t seem to do any kind of justice towards what you feel. 

If you are the happiest you have ever been…what words are there to describe that feeling so others can start to understand and comprehend that feeling as well?

“Sometimes I feel as though I were born in a circus, come out of my mother’s womb like a man from a cannon, pitched toward the ceiling of a tent, all the doctors and nurses clapping in delight from the grandstands. the band going great guns in trombones and drums. I unfold to find flight hundreds of feet above the center ring. the smell of popcorn in the air. the clowns gather below, amazed at my grace. and all the people chanting my name as my arms come out like the wings and move swan-like toward the apex. where I draw my arms in, collapse my torso to my legs, roll over in perfection…”

THAT is how you make me feel. I feel as though I am the greatest thing in all of the world. That I am the center of the ring flying high and far above without a care in the world..

but then…

“..then slowly give in to gravity. My body falls back toward earth. the ground coming up quick. the center ring growing enormous beneath my falling weight. And this is precisely when it occurs to me that there is not net. And I wonder,
What is the use of a circus? and Why should a person bother to be shot out of a cannon? and Why is the crowd’s applause so fleeting? 
and… Who is going to rescue me?”

After it is all said and done and I am back home..what do I have left? A memory? A text message if I am lucky. An old sweatshirt? I fall. I crash into the center of the ring and I am the only one there…

The crowd leaves terrified to know the outcome of what this decision has left me with. No one wants to be there in the aftermath of pain and recovery…

It’s only me..

And it’s time that I start rescuing myself. 

 

I know one day I will text you or call you just to see how you are doing. But until that moment when the way that I feel can be put into words that actually do them justice…I will write. I will write until I find those words. And on that day when how I feel matches what I see on paper, that is when you will hear from me. 

Read this every now and then. You have made me feel what I hadn’t in a long time and for that I thank you. Check in on me here if you are ever curious as to how I am doing. I don’t hold back on here. 

 

Until next time…

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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if you’re reading this…

This is not the post I told you about, but if you are reading this…

I am probably still sleeping.

 

P.S. I miss you. 

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

The Shack by William P. Young

“Honey, there’s no easy answer that will take your pain away. Believe me, if I had one, I’d use it now. I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better. Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship.”

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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