It is said somewhere that no one can truly define what you are feeling. I think they might be right. Sometimes words on paper just don’t seem to do any kind of justice towards what you feel.
If you are the happiest you have ever been…what words are there to describe that feeling so others can start to understand and comprehend that feeling as well?
“Sometimes I feel as though I were born in a circus, come out of my mother’s womb like a man from a cannon, pitched toward the ceiling of a tent, all the doctors and nurses clapping in delight from the grandstands. the band going great guns in trombones and drums. I unfold to find flight hundreds of feet above the center ring. the smell of popcorn in the air. the clowns gather below, amazed at my grace. and all the people chanting my name as my arms come out like the wings and move swan-like toward the apex. where I draw my arms in, collapse my torso to my legs, roll over in perfection…”
THAT is how you make me feel. I feel as though I am the greatest thing in all of the world. That I am the center of the ring flying high and far above without a care in the world..
“..then slowly give in to gravity. My body falls back toward earth. the ground coming up quick. the center ring growing enormous beneath my falling weight. And this is precisely when it occurs to me that there is not net. And I wonder,
What is the use of a circus? and Why should a person bother to be shot out of a cannon? and Why is the crowd’s applause so fleeting?
and… Who is going to rescue me?”
After it is all said and done and I am back home..what do I have left? A memory? A text message if I am lucky. An old sweatshirt? I fall. I crash into the center of the ring and I am the only one there…
The crowd leaves terrified to know the outcome of what this decision has left me with. No one wants to be there in the aftermath of pain and recovery…
It’s only me..
And it’s time that I start rescuing myself.
I know one day I will text you or call you just to see how you are doing. But until that moment when the way that I feel can be put into words that actually do them justice…I will write. I will write until I find those words. And on that day when how I feel matches what I see on paper, that is when you will hear from me.
Read this every now and then. You have made me feel what I hadn’t in a long time and for that I thank you. Check in on me here if you are ever curious as to how I am doing. I don’t hold back on here.
Until next time…